Champagne and Tears
by charliespike18
Summary: Set after 4x7. 'But just because her life has stopped, it doesn't mean the whole world will stop with her.' Rachel hurts more than she expects after she watches Eddie propose to her sister.


All she can hear is the clicking of her heals against the floor. It's deafening in the silence. _Walk, get out of there._She is hollow, numb, it's like there is a hole inside of her that is getting bigger with every breath, until she is unable to breathe. She's meant to be happy._For them_.She's trying, god knows she is. Rachel thought she'd be able to cope, she'd been sure of it. It seems she'd been wrong. It had been too much, far too much, for her to deal with.

Rachel takes another step down the corridor, another step towards her office, one more step to her bag, to her keys - Rachel's means of escape. She runs a hand though her hair and stops. Leaning against the wall she sighs, her office feeling hundreds of miles away. Closing her eyes, she reaches a hand up to her face, massaging her temples. Rachel's head is pounding and she's slightly tipsy from the champagne. A solitary tear slides down her cheek, and she feels others stinging at her eyelids. She feels stupid, and knows she shouldn't have these emotions. Emotions she wasn't aware she had until she saw him, down on one knee, proposing to her sister._Her sister_. Rachel turns and walks.

She reaches her office a few minutes later, trying to think of what she'll do when she gets home, knowing full well that she will probably curl up on the sofa, a glass of wine in her hand, and watch the news. She'll do anything, practically anything, to get her mind off Eddie. But that's impossible, he will be her brother-in-law. He also happens to be her deputy head. She has to learn how to cope, how to block out the feelings. _Will that be enough? _The question echoes around her head until it hurts, physically hurts, to think about it a moment longer. But it's her fault she feels like this, she rejected Eddie after the fire. Built walls, a fortress, dark and impenetrable, around her that are scarcely broken.

Rachel opens her office door and moves in to the room, scanning the room for her hand bag. It takes her a few seconds to remember that she put her keys in her top draw. _Blame it on the champagne, you've had far too much anyway. _She sits in her chair, and sighs. As a child she always prided herself that she was better at coping with things than her sister. Rachel knows, thinking that now, that it's stupid, that she most definitely cannot cope with the things that life throws at her. A prostitute at the age of 17 and now, all she wants is to run away from the new hand that life has dealt her. She is in love with her sister's fiancée. That is her problem and hers only. And she plans on dealing with it. Yet,the only thought in her head is to run away, to get as far as she can from them. But that's not going to happen, she cannot abandon the school. She is here to make a difference, to help every single child that attends.

Rachel feels as if she could burst out into tears at any moment and realizes that she needs to get her mind off Eddie because thinking of him only makes her break a little bit more. She curses inwardly at the internal revelation that she's probably had too much to drink to drive. _This day could not get any worse._The sofa is looking more and moretempting with every second that passes. The reality that she might have to sleep in her office is, far from a bad idea, a good one. She wouldn't have to go home to an empty house were all she would do was wallow in her own self-pity.

She's woken from her reverie by a shout from the car park. Rachel stands and paces towards the window. She is surprised to see Tom and Davina waving goodbye to Grantly. His arm is draped loosely round her shoulder and Davina is leaning in to him. Rachel sighs, and feels a tear fall down her cheek as she stares out in to the now empty car always liked Melissa more than her, everyone she loved did, and it seemed to be a fact. Her own parents, whom she had adored, had constantly compared her own failings to Melissa's successes. It had shattered the little confidence she had had. And now Eddie._Eddie, oh Eddie. Why you?Anybody but you._

She's so caught up in her own memories that she doesn't hear the door open, doesn't even register the fact that there is someone in the room - not until he speaks that is.

"Rachel?" She jumps at his voice, turning round to face him. _It had to be him didn't it?_ Eddie stands at the door, uncertain of his next words. She smiles, or tries her best to.

"Hi," It's the only thing she can think of because her whole body had gone into lock down. She knows she'll be able to cope in the morning, but now, right this moment, she is feels so vulnerable, so unguarded.

"I thought you'd gone home?" And she realizes that she's probably been wallowing in her office for a good half an hour, if not more.

"I left my keys in here," She says, gesturing at her desk. Eddie shakes his head slightly and smiles.

"And it's taken you half an hour to find them?" He asks and then laughs softly. It makes her smile.

"Would you like some help?" He inquires but Rachel protests.

"I'm sure I'll be able to find them, I'm not useless you know Eddie." A smile lights up his face.

"Of course that's not what I was insinuating…" He says, but stops because he's started chuckling. This is what she loves about Eddie, the fact that they can joke around with each other and yet still remain the epitome of professionalism most of the time. W_ell, one of them manages to be._

Rachel takes this interlude to actually try and locate her keys because, contrary to what she told Eddie, she's pretty sure she knows where they are. Moving over to her desk, she pulls the top draw open and scans the contents quickly. Her keys aren't there. _Why aren't they there?_ She glances up and him,confusion etched on her features. She was wrong, this day has got worse. Now she's actually lost her keys.

"Oh, I give up!" She exclaims, crumpling on to her chair, her head in her hands. Eddie must see the look of frustration on her face because he goes to speak, but Rachel gets there first.

"Don't, Eddie please, don't say anything." Her voice falters and she stands, turning away from him. She's facing the filing cabinet now, and she pretends that she's scrutinising the paperwork that has accumulated on there. Flicking through sheet after sheet, Rachel has to resist the overwhelming desire to cry.

Eddie's phone starts to beep and he delves into his pocket to answer it. Rachel stops inanely shuffling paper and sighs.

"Hey, I'll be out in a minute." He waits for the reply.

"Yeah, love you too Melissa," He ends the call. There it is again, the realization that she's really lost him and it hurts as if she's just been slapped across the face. For the last few minutes she had found it so easy to forget Melissa was even in the picture, to live in another world, just for a little while. _Oh,and wasn't it nice?_ButRachel hired her sister of her own free will; she brought this all on herself.

"It wasn't meant to happen like that," Eddie declares, gently. "You weren't meant to be there," There's a pause.

"None of us were meant to be there Eddie," She whispered. And there's another silence. "You would've told me, yeah?" Rachel asks. Eddie nods but then articulates his answer when he remembers that she can't see him, because she's studiously looking at a grade prediction chart.

"I'm sorry that Mel sprung the maid of honour thing on you. I mean, you know, in front of everyone." Eddie bumbles and Rachel turns round to face him.

"Why are you sorry Eddie? She's my sister, why wouldn't I want to be her maid of honour?" She lets the question hang in the air and it's like an unwelcome guest. Rachel is all too aware of an answer to her own rhetorical question. _You, Eddie, you're the reason. I don't know how I'll survive, standing there, watching you get married to my sister._

"I'd better go." He finally says after an eternity of silence. He walks towards her, reaching her in a few steps. Eddie leans down, and he's conscious of her whole body tensing. He kisses her on the cheek, lingering just a fraction of a second to long for it to be merely friendly. Both of them pretend that they don't notice it. He pulls away, but his face is still only a few centimetres from hers. They stare into each other's eyes, unflinching.

The door opens with a jarring thud and they are jolted back in to reality. Steph stands at the door, her face not revealing weather or not she saw what they were doing - not that they were doing anything wrong. _Nearly though._ And Rachel realizes how close she was to making a stupid mistake. She closes her eyes and sighs as Eddie walks out of the office. Rachel glances up at the door and see Steph still standing in the door way.

"I'm sorry, Rachel." She's surprised at the French teacher words, and can only manage a nod in response. "It's all right, I didn't see anything," She adds, but it's not in her usual sarcastic tone and Rachel really believes her.

"Why are you here?" Rachel finally blurts out.

"You left your keys in the staff room." _That's where they were._

"Thanks Steph." Rachel replies, taking the outstretched keys from her colleague.

Neither of them speak again, lost in their own worlds. After standing in silence for a few moments, Steph leaves without a parting word. Finally alone, Rachel feels the tears fall down her face. She places her keys on the table, entertaining the idea that in another life, she and Eddie would be happy. They might even be getting married, they might have children. But in this life, in this nightmare, that is not even a possibility. And that hurts.

Rachel grabs the keys off the desk and walks out, the last of the tears falling. Wiping them away, she strides down the corridor, trying to get her mind off Eddie. She tries to concentrate about what meetings she has the following day. She tries so hard. But she can't do it - he occupies the entire of her mind. She wants to scream. But just because her life has stopped, it doesn't mean the whole world will stop with her. She keeps walking . All she can hear is the clicking of her heals against the floor. It's deafening in the silence.

...


End file.
